I remember when I applied I asked God to let me go to school so I could advance myself, and because I felt that where I was sitting was not taking me anywhere else.
I know I need to find a good balance between studying and taking free time, whilst trying to not feel guilty about not studying (true story).
My first week was a little overwhelming for me, and for some other students in my class, there were endless lists of readings, and dates for tests, and projects and papers, I started to wonder if this was the right choice for me.
And then, I ran into someone who has taken this program, and she asked me how I was going to do it all, working studying going to school, and I said I don't know, I really started to feel doubtful about my ability to finish the week let alone being able to finish the whole 3 years (technically 2.5 but they call it 3).
I was awestruck, I didn't know how to rspond, this woman is a Christian (the same one in fact who warned me about going to YWAM Urban Ministries in Winnipeg) I don't know why I would be fooled into listening to her a second time. I know it was not her intent to make me doubt myself, she was just stating her concern, but I felt it, oh boy, did I ever.
By the time I got home however I started to get mad, mad at her, mad at school and mad at myself! I was indignant that I would let someone else speak that fear into me, and mad at school because I do believe that hitting the students hard is a tactic for "weeding out" potentially weak students, and mad at me for actually listening and believing that I was too small, too weak, not smart enough and all that jazz.
Fear not though my dear friends, this made me want more than anything to succeed, I wanted to be able to prove people wrong, including myself, and prove others right, including myself!
So, I have been diligently working at spending time working on studies, and spending time relaxing.
As I am going to be learning about drugs, and the risks involved, and the potential for potential harm, I felt the picture below was a great illustration.
You will do fine - trust in yourself and God; let the rest worry about themselves.
ReplyDeleteAnything that is truly worth doing will be demanding to the point of uncertainty. If anything, see this as one evidence that you are on the right track. Make changes in life to help it be sustainable (which includes enjoying life too) and keep at it. ALL of us who know you and love you have EVERY confidence that you can do this.
ReplyDeletePeace,
Jamie
Way to cling to TRUTH! You are such a beast and I know of your strength, your diligence, and your heart. I love you!!
ReplyDeleteps - i miss seeing those comics with you guys. thanks for bringing me back bahahaha.
Aunty Irene - Thank you so much! Sometimes I need reminders that I don't need to worry what others think and only to be in awe of what God thinks of me!
ReplyDeleteJamies - I remember having the same feelings of doubt while I was driving across the country to get to you guys, YWAM DTS and all of everything. Oh it feels so right to be there now! Justas it did in Winnipeg! Hooray!
Carrie - Oh bean! I'm glad you are my friend! You bless me so so so much! Love you too!
And I loved that Cyanide and Happiness too, Maybe the whole post was just a way to fit it in!