Adventures of Deesa

Crying in a pew

2011-05-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

First of all I want to wish all mothers out there a happy Mother's day!

Mothers have the hardest job on the entire planet. They are wonderful and amazing people, they sacrifice and give the best for their children.

I am not a mother. Not yet.

I was dating someone until recently and I had hoped that we were moving towards that eventual goal, of course not passing the road marker of marriage first.

This morning on my way to church I realized that I really am not a mother. And that dream seems even further way now that Jason and I are no longer.

I was overcome with this sadness, a feeling of loss and longing and I cried.

Of course when I got to church they were also celebrating mothers and what they do for us in our lives. They were handing out carnations to the mothers in the congregation.

Directly in the pew across the church was his family, I was reminded of the recent loss again when the men were handing flowers to the women in Jason's family.

A man in my church who always goes out of his way to welcome me and say hello walked up to me and handed me a flower.

I shook my head to say no to him, seeing as I am not a mother and therefore I wasn't actually supposed to receive one. He said, "yes you will" with a smile.

I tried in vain to hold back the tears that were bursting at the surface, trying to push their way out, it was a hopeless idea.

Thankfully, just at that moment a woman sat beside me. She is a beautiful woman, her heart is so large and she is so loving she said, "this isn't a day for crying" and she pulled me into her arms and held me for a while.

She is a mother in the truest sense of the word, a mother to not only me at that moment, but she is the one who continually comes to me when I am sad or needing a hug in church. She isn't even a woman I know outside of the church building, but such a huge blessing to everyone there.

And then the sermon started.

It was about seeking God in times of trouble and turmoil (at least thats the part that spoke to me the most at that moment).

I was almost immediately uplifted, this time of feeling sorry for myself for having lost something was blocked out by the shining of God into my heart.

Right then it became clear that my foundation hasn't been built on that relationship, but on Christ. He has been building me up for years now for moments like this.

The trick is to seek Him when times get tough, because He is the only one who can fulfill what is missing in my life.

I don't have things missing in my life at all. I know that my longing and waiting is just going to make the payoff that much sweeter.

I love where God has me at this moment, showing me and shaping me into His image, prying away the layers that add bulk onto something that is already good.

Gosh.

Summer Adventures Part II

2010-10-09T13:05:00.001-07:00

A few days later Amber and I decided to go to the art gallery, we hadn't been to the new building yet and we really wanted to check it out, look at art, look at arty people, chill out and hang out with a great friend. There were some fantastic galleries set up within the metal curvy building, Warner Bros., Canadiana, and then came the 3^rd floor, the modern art gallery. I have been so blessed to walk through art galleries and museums around the world, mostly classic art, always breathtaking, but never had I been in an actual modern art gallery before. I understood some of it, I loved the autistic display of clocks in order, they were logical and orderly, and I got that, fascinating! We walked around browsing, laughing, and whispering about the strange and the quirky. There was around one corner a photocopy of a picture hanging on the wall, and underneath it there was a stack of about 5000 copies of the same picture. I casually picked it up and thought, these are surely for us patrons to take along with us, it wasn't until I was walking away that the truth came to me. It was part of the artwork you silly dolt! I was stealing it, but it was too late to put it back, I had just rolled it up, so I hastily jammed it into my purse and clutched my hands around the opening so that I wouldn't be discovered by a snippet of paper giving me away. I was MORTIFIED! I was an art thief, I was going to get caught, my life would be over at 30! I was wrong, and Amber had to keep reassuring me when I giggled that I wasn't the first person, or the last to do it. I am keeping that art, and making it my own, it shall be making its debut on my wall within the week, I just need to get a frame worthy of it now.

Oh the adventures go on and on!

There was a music festival that I went to, alone.... I was so nervous about going by myself, if anyone remembers me from when I was a young girl I was terribly shy, and I had a really hard time venturing out on my own, but God keeps showing me that it is alright to be alone.

As I gain more independence as a human being, I am getting more and more dependent on God, I would not be able to go places and see things alone of God was right there beside me showing me the way. GUH! SO GREAT!

More on the music festival in the next post!

My Summer - Part 1

2010-09-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

Adventures that can only happen in the summer time

I turned 30, yes it is true, the fact that Kim will ALWAYS be older than me helps me to sleep at night I think! I am just kidding, I am not only happy to be entering my 30s, but I am excited to see what is going to happen next. I don't know if it is because I have turned 30, but I seem to have a different perspective on a few things, or perhaps it is because I am enjoying where my life is and where it seems to be heading, but I wake up most days with a smile on my face, excited about the possible random adventures.

Everyday is an adventure, and I love getting to see and experience so many things. Today I saw a motorbike with a sidecar, kids in sumo suits in the park, and the oldest man in history with pants hiked as many inches as his age! And that was just on my supper break.

On my 30^th birthday there was no exception, it was FILLED with adventure.I worked a day shift and was wished many happy well wishes from everyone there, hugs from Lorna, and Kelly remembering was so great, she took my breath away. When I was leaving work I was excited to go for supper at my favorite restaurant in Edmonton – the Sicilian Pasta Kitchen, it had been raining, my tires on my car are almost bald, I hit the ditch. No, let me correct that, I didn't hit the ditch so much as slid in, and as I was sliding slowly into the ditch I thought, “ok, I'm going in, lets see if I can just keep driving and make my way out again.” Well, I was hugely mistaken! I kept going for a while, probably 50 feet before my tires really started to bite deep grooves in the slick mud. I sunk down deep, right to the frame on the driver's side, stopping, and no amount of rocking would bring me back out, I crawled out the passenger side door after a long weepy phone call to my Mom, and another to AMA to get pulled out. There was success, and I was pulled out, after all that drama, I needed to use the washroom, but as I flushed the water away, it didn't go down like it usually would, it started bubbling up, at first only lapping the the rim, and then things took a huge turn for the worse, it flooded over and started filling the floor with water, I screamed, and then cried some more. Reality was sinking in, I had turned 30, there was no going back, I was no longer in my 20s, I had to grow up, and I mean really grow up, I just wasn't sure what that meant for me yet. I had almost decided to call the whole evening off, the dinner with my friends, but with some poking and prodding and encouragement from my Mom, I decided to get my butt moving and actually get ready to go. I am so glad that I did, because after a glorious meal with great friends, Amber, Jeremy, Darren and I went to the pub and witnessed a man eat the largest sandwich ever created by a human, instantly I was reminded of John Candy in The Great Outdoors and the 96 ounce steak, this was the start of the summer adventures!

A few days later Amber and I decided to go to the art gallery....

To Be Continued!

Coffee Time

2010-03-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

I was able to spend the evening with my dear friend Bethany.

I am pretty crazy about her, we both love music, art, photography, and Jesus. So, I love when we get the chance to hang out because we can talk about the most amazing things!

I am sorry my dear friends, but I am going to keep our conversation private, because I can.

I wanted to tell you about something that I saw while Bethany and I were in the coffee shop.

Earlier in the evening, people had been going in and out for the evening, mostly the younger crowd, seeking a hip coffee shop.

About half way through our very long coffee date, an older couple walked in; Nice looking, dressed like they are in the height of their retirement, happy and smiling.

Ten minutes later Beth and I heard this loud talking, we looked at each other questioningly, wondering what was up.

They were skyping! Using the free wireless available to patrons.

It was great, though not quiet, it was not obtrusive, and everyone else in the small building grew to a hush, not wanting to disturb their conversation.

I couldn't see them on their laptop, but Bethany watched the couple talking with their family from wherever they were.

Beth described them as leaning into the screen smiling broadly and beaming with joy. That is something amazing, and of course I wanted to catch a glimpse of them as well!

So I got up from my side of the table, and picked up our dirty dishes to move them to the bin, which was conveniently right beside where they were sitting.

I saw them, their faces shining from the blue of the computer and the joy within them.

I could hear upon my approach that they were talking to someone with a little voice, a grandchild maybe.

I smiled as I placed our dishes quietly into the bin and stood up. By the time I reached my full height again, the man of the couple was waving at me to come over.

I cocked my head to one side, in a way that said, what?
He said, yes please come here I want to show you.

I walked up and the sound from the speaker got louder and I could tell it was a little person indeed, and as I rounded the corner there he was!

Small, 3 years old and blonde as blonde could be.

I leaned over and watched him move and talk about spiderman to his "Gramma".

Grandpa said, "look! There is a lady here who wants to say hello"

I was unsure at first, but went along with it. He moved the camera so the little boy could see me and told him to wink at me. To which the little one obliged blinking forcefully both of his eyes at the same time.

I was instantly in love with his little face and voice as he said "guess what Gramma".

I thanked the family and walked away.

Bethany just smiled at me, knowing full well that I often find myself in the middle of someone else's family, and loving it.

I felt so honoured to be able to be a part of their lives for a moment. It was a moment the grandparents will never forget, even if the child does, and one I won't forget anytime soon either.

Love is a many splendored thing.

When the couple left they thanked me for coming to see him, and asked me so everyone could hear, just how beautiful he is.

I said yes, he truly is, and I thanked them both.

As they left Bethany and I discussed the love and joy and pride of that Grandpa, and we both thought whimsically how great it would be to have that when we are older.

We are both happy, so happy in where we reside right now, living in exactly the right place at the right time for us, but it was so great to see a happy future that is beaming down, shining a light for us both.

I love that I got to see a family so full of love, maybe someday I will get that too, but for now I am so overjoyed in getting to witness, and sometimes be a part of, a family.

Smile Train

2010-02-02T14:58:00.000-08:00

Please note this has been slightly edited.

For those of you who have not heard about Smile Train, I wanted to pass this along.

This is an email sent by Brian Mullaney from Smile train. Take your time, read through the email and then watch the video he made.

It is truly Life Changing. Imagine if these stories were being told about Canadian kids? Imagine the public outcry that would happen? Why is it that these people are being forgotten? What are we scared of? What are we hding from by not being willing to open up and give our hearts?

here it is...

"Hi,

I just returned from an eye-opening trip to one of the poorest places on our planet.

We went to visit Dadaab, a sprawling refugee camp, on the Somalia – Kenya border.

It is a safe haven for all the people who have fled Somalia due to the violence, Islamic insurgents, famine, etc.

And it is one of the poorest, saddest, most horrific places I have ever seen.

The camp was built as a temporary solution in 1992 to house 90,000 refugees – 18 years later it holds 300,000 wretched souls of which 20% are under 5 years old. More than 5,000 new refugees show up every week begging for food and shelter. But there is no more room and no more food.

We met with Dr. Dan, our partner surgeon who is a true, modern-day Good Samaritan and bonafide Saint who has been saving children and adults here for the past 5 years. His commitment and passion – even after 5 very difficult years – were really inspiring.

These 300,000 children and their parents in Dadaab are truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

On one side they face violence and death in Somalia.

El Shabab is the leading Islamic terror group in Somalia and we were told they make Al Qaeda look like a bunch of Boy Scouts. Recently they sent a suicide bomber into the middle of a Somalia medical school graduation ceremony killing all 20 new graduates and their families and professors. Somalia, the leading failed state in the world is quickly getting worse and today El Shabab controls two thirds of the country.

On the other side, is a very high barbed wire fence and the Kenyan army.

Somalians are not allowed into Kenya - or even outside the camp. We met a woman with 5 kids, no husband, and legs left lifeless by polio. We asked her questions and then when we finished she asked us one: “We have been here since 1992 – what can you do for us?” You can see her if you look at the photo of the ramshackle hut with a young boy in the doorway holding a baby. She is sitting on the ground next to the hut on the right.

Most of the photos are taken at the one of the 3 health clinics for 300,000 people.

We were surrounded by hundreds of children and adults with all kinds of problems from clefts to club foot to burns to gunshot wounds to hydrocephalus. Hydrocephalus can be easily treated. It’s a problem where there is excessive fluid surrounding the brain and the head swells quite severely. Untreated it results in brain damage and then death. To reduce the swelling you have to drain the fluid which requires a special tube-like shunt that costs $20. They don’t have one. So all the children with this problem in this camp die. You’ll see them lying on the mats on the dirt. Because they don’t have a $20 tube.

We also saw a lot of children suffering with club foot. You’ll see a photo of a girl sitting on a bench with horribly twisted and deformed feet. She, and all the other children with club foot who are 12 years and under could have their legs and feet totally repaired with a miracle cure that doesn’t even require surgery, just castings, much like braces for the teeth. This “cure” costs just $80. But chances are slim that any of these children will ever receive it. $80 might as well be $800,000 in Dadaab.

As we moved around the clinic, Dr. Dan was besieged by parents begging for help for their children, waving pieces of paper in his face with his handwriting from a month ago, six months ago, a year ago, promising surgery. We didn’t need a translator to understand they were all begging for help for their children.

Poor Dr. Dan has one operating room and a waiting list of hundreds of children. Many of the children who are waiting will die before their number is called. Notice the ribs Dr. Dan is showing by pulling up the shirt of a baby with a bad cleft palate. The baby cannot feed normally because of his palate; without surgery he will die. We asked him if he will be able to operate on this child and he said he didn’t know. I think his answer is as diplomatic as our question was naïve.

They also took us to the “nutrition ward” where they try to save babies on the brink of starvation. As we went bed to bed, you will see the blank expressions on the faces of mothers whose babies are literally dying in their arms. The baby lying down without a mother is a 7-month-old little girl who weighs 7 pounds.

In America 7-month-old babies weigh 20 pounds. In America, childhood obesity is a major problem as is adult obesity. The #1 cause of death in America is coronary disease related to obesity. Americans are literally eating ourselves to death.

Last week First Lady Michelle Obama launched a campaign to fight childhood obesity in America. Having three young kids who eat way too much ice cream and junk food I understand how serious a problem this is. But I must admit, I was a little shocked to hear Mrs. Obama explain that America will spend $150 billion this year alone to combat obesity in America. (We will spend less than one tenth of that trying to save children and adults in developing countries from starving to death. Imagine how many lives would be saved if we swapped those two budgets and overweight Americans only received $15 billion in aid and starving children received $150 billion.)

The attached video is about 4 minutes long and it begins with a clinic we visited in Ethiopia in a place so poor, people are living on $40 a year.

People are so desperate for cleft surgery, many of them had traveled 200 to 300 kilometers to come to our clinic. I have never seen so many older folks with unrepaired clefts. I met a woman who has waited 63 years for her 45-minute cleft surgery.

You will see a 50-year-old farmer whose daughter we show the surgery of. He traveled for 5 days straight with his daughter to reach our clinic. I sat and talked with him while we operated on his daughter and he told me how he used to own livestock and land. But due to various famines over the years, they gradually had to sell off all the livestock to stay alive. And then the socialist government came and took most of their land. So now he is a poor sorghum farmer trying to keep his wife and 10 children alive. Someone asked how the current famine had affected his village and he said, “Look at my face.”

I asked him about how this surgery will change his daughter’s life and his face lit up. “Yes,” he said, “she can go to school now.” I asked him what he wanted her to be when she grew up. He answered me very slowly and deliberately, “I want her to be… in America.”

That was nice to hear from a 50-year-old Muslim man. “Look at you people,” he said. “You come all the way here, just to help me and my daughter, to help all these poor people….” He was shaking his head, smiling. I suggested maybe one day she would be in America and he would come visit her. He laughed and said, “No, it is too late for me. I am too old and I am too poor.”

Sorry I have rambled on as long as I have. Hope you watch the video. It’s nothing too fancy; pictures I took and then put together myself into a homemade video that will probably not win an Oscar. :)

Let me know what you think.

And of course, if you have any money left over from the holidays and want to make a donation - of any amount - that can help change the life of a kid who is living in Somalia or Haiti or Afghanistan or any of the 77 extremely poor and desperate countries where we work, we can always use your help. TO MAKE A DONATION CLICK HERE!

This year alone, about 160,000 new babies will be born with clefts in developing countries and most of them, because they are so poor, don’t have a prayer of ever being helped.

These kids need our help.

And we still need yours.

Thank you for reading this long rambling email.

Brian

P.S. If you are looking for a way to help Haiti with a charity you know and trust, we have bene working down there for 5+ years and have 3 partner hospitals and an orphanage that we are helping get through this nightmare. To make a donation that helps Haiti CLICK HERE."

Sabotage

2010-01-31T14:09:00.000-08:00

I know by looking at the title, it would be easy to think that this would be a post about some exciting espionage story involving spies and lots of running and car chases. Nope, sorry to disappoint, but this is about my own personal sabotage.

For some time now I have been feeling this growing hunger, and surging lack of enthusiasm in attending church. I like my church, I like the people in it, I like the pastor especially, but I am still feeling this sinking feeling when I go.

I feel lonely, I am often surrounded by people who I know and love, but I am still lonely. I know God is with me, that I cannot deny, but for me personally I haven't been meeting Him in my church.

Maybe I need to shop around for another church, maybe I need to get more involved in my own I do not know right now. What I do know is that it all started when I heard about the new kitchen being put into the basement. I didn't see the point, I saw a perfectly working stove, fridge and dishwasher and I didn't see the point in using up money for something that to me seemed a little bit of a waste.

I know, the people who labour in the kitchen during weddings or funerals may find it annoying or even a hassle, but it seems to me it is like adding a new stained glass window, very pretty, but in reality useless when it could have been spent elsewhere. Kind of how Shane Claiborne outlined his distaste in his book The Irresistible Revolution, here is a link to The Simple Way.

There is also a very large disconnect with our community, some people are working really hard at getting the youth involved, at spreading the good word, but others seem to be so stagnant.

This may be the way in ever church, but when I find it time to go to bed at night on Saturday nights, I feel this sense of dread and longing, longing for something more? Longing for something less, simple, more like how Jesus first did it, the way it is meant to be. Missional!

So, on Sunday mornings, I wake up to my alarm, and lay there and think about my choices. Go to church to hang out with the people I know and only see once in a while, which is a big draw, getting little out of the sermon, (not the fault of the pastor, maybe I am just shut off?) or to stay in bed and push the snooze button, ultimately sabotaging myself by sleeping too late.

Is it like ripping off a bandaid? Or like going to the gym at 6am? You just need to do it and it feels better.

What do I need to do? I know that I need to find new experiences, to seek out new life and new civilizations, (oh wait, that sounds oddly familiar!) to boldly go where no man has gone before, or gone before, but I have not.

Where can I find it? The missional community that I am desiring, the one where it is possible to openly ask questions, to have debates, to welcome that drunk man shoveling the sidewalk into church for a cup of coffee instead of sending him away in disgust.

I have seen that before, I have attended a church much like that, but it is a bit of a distance to go on Sundays, especially when I work. In Winnipeg I saw this. It was a home, a family, open to all, and at the base of seeking God and making Him known.

I need to stay here, I have made a commitment to school, and I am not turning away, I LOVE it. I am supposed to be here taking classes. I just need something more. You know?

This is a very personal entry and I welcoming challenges, comments, personal opinions, advice. All of it. I think bloggers blog because of those things, and more.

Haiti Relief And Awesome Music

2010-01-20T17:44:00.000-08:00

This is a note from my friend Devon's band.

They are releasing a single on Jan. 27th and along with that they are donating miney to the organization One Days Wages. I have said enough, here it is straight from the band themselves!

Hey everyone, its the guys in A Cry Farewell here. With everything going on in Haiti we feel this was a perfect time for us to help. Our debut single "The Rain" will be available on iTunes (hopefully) the 27th of January. We see this as a great way for us to help. So for the first week that The Rain is available on iTunes we are donating 20-25% of sales to "One Days Wages" towards the relief in Haiti.

You can preview "The Rain" on our myspace. www.myspace.com/acryfarewell

Help us get the word out and forward this to everyone!

THANKS,

Josh, Devon, Kyle, Justin

a safe place really?

2010-01-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

Is this really a forum where I can share my true feelings about things?

I honestly think not.

Not only is this page really open to anyone on the internet but it is (I think) read by people who care about me.

I do want to keep writing lovely inspiring posts, or updates about how things are going for me.

This is a personal blog, so I shouldn't feel bad about nattering on and on about myself, and also I should not feel bad about sharing less than stellar things.

But then I wonder why? What is the rationale behind me wanting to share things?

Am I venting? Which isn't necessarily a good thing all of the time. Or am I wanting someone to read what I have to say without me saying it to their face?

I don't write things because I worry about other people's feelings, and sadly what other people will think of me.

So the question today is, is this really the place to talk about upsets? Is this a place to share real feelings about frustrations and challenges? Or not?

So anyone that reads this weigh in on what you think! I look forward to comments!

Labs And Clinicals - An Update

2010-01-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

Well seeing as I am in my second term of first year, it has begun, yes, labs and clinicals where we learn the skills necessary to assist patients with activities of daily living.
I have been a health care aide for a number of years now. 9 to be exact, and along the way I have picked up some very important skills, as well as some bad habits.

At the start of this whole school business I was worried that I would be either over confident (cocky) or under confident (self conscious) because of being in this field for so long.

Well, it turns out I am under confident, I know I know this stuff, last week we learned about hand washing, this week was bed baths... simple skills that I was thrown into in my first day as an aide long long ago when I worked in long term care.

I feel like I am dumb (sometimes purposely so so I can start fresh learning a skill (and I worry that because I have been an aide for so long that people are looking to me to have answers and to know ALL of it already (I certainly don't and I would never think I do).

I am sharing my feelings about lab and this new process of being full immersed in school and learning new skills, unlearning old ones.

As I mentioned before we were learning bed baths today, and to learn our skills we get to practice most things on each other.

My lab partner is Daphne, we have gotten quite close in the last few months, but I am unsure of whether or not our personal relationship influenced practicing in a positive or negative way.

Daphne is great, she is kind and patient and so giving, and when I was nervous about doing things right she so encouraged me to keep going and that I was doing alright.

At the end of it all I realized my skills weren't as bad as I had thought and that its alright to be nervous.

I also learned what it feels like to be bed bathed (and I even got to keep my shirt and shorts on) I can only imagine how it feels to be getting a real bed bath.

I think that for me as a seasoned aide who has some of these skills already it was good to be on the other side of the proverbial coin, or in this case the towel.

I just hope to remain humble for the rest of my life in seeing that I don't know everything, and there is always more to learn. And that it is for His glory that I am pursuing this with the fervor I have been trying to maintain.

I think that its alright to be nervous, and right now is the time to learn and make mistakes and ask questions.

I don't have to deal with a sucking chest wound yet, just bathing and catheter care, which is the best news I have had yet today!

Deuteronomy 8:15-18

He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock.

He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you.

You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me."

But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today.

Concerts and my Love of them

2010-01-12T23:20:00.000-08:00

I have always liked concerts, truly.

It seems that seeing my friend Phil go to as many concerts as he does spurred me on to start actually going to concerts I want to see!

So This last few months (really when I started school and not having much free time is when I chose to start doing this) I have been attending shows.

I won tickets to a show, I bought tickets to another, and most of the time, it is spontaneous.

Today I decided to go see Blue Rodeo, I had no idea that they were going to be in Red Deer this evening, not at all, it was advertised on a country station and I am not the biggest fan of country.

I was in a dilemma, who is going to come with me!?

I haven't been to a concert by myself before, and even though I know I am capable, I didn't really want to go by myself.

I asked a whole gamut of people, and only one person actually was able to make it. I was ok with that, although I really wish Bethany could have come with me as well.

Cuff the Duke, The opening band was so super, they put on a good show as well and had some great songs.

I find I like the opening bands almost as much or sometimes more than the headliner - but shhhh don't tell them that!

I just wanted to share that little story with you, a little to brag but mostly to tell a story.

Night all

My Dear Friend And Her Dream Come True

2009-12-26T21:20:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post a little blog about my friend Sarah who came to see me recently.

We have been friends since working together at Boston Pizza in Westlock, almost since day one (well at least we were still in training at that point!)

She is amazing, lovely, so much fun, and a dear and close friend.

When Sarah phoned me a while ago she said she wasn't feeling very well. I was instantly worried, dreading the worst, but when she said the words, "morning sickness" I was elated!

My friend was expecting a baby! I am so excited to see her as a Mom, she is going to be great! Her and I have had some adventures in our years of being friends.

We have taken random road trips to Barrhead, to dress as fairies and act like little girls running around and having a ball!

Her ability to have fun in any situation, her ability to laugh and find joy in every moment is what is going to bring her into being such a great Mommy!

I am so proud of her.

It brings to light something in my own heart that has, especially recently, been brought to light for myself.

This is connected and I don't want my joy at Sarah and Shawns exciting announcement to be dampened, but I feel this is also a place that I can bring my personal thoughts out as well about my own feelings.

I wonder when it is I am going to find my love, when my wish to see my family come into being is going to happen.

I know that somewhere out there is my husband, the man I am to marry and be a family with.

Today while shopping with friends in Edmonton, we stopped off at a maternity store to wait for one friend who is also expecting, and being in that store, looking at all the women who were busily and happily shopping to dress their new bodies made me sad.

I would never want to settle and end up with someone whom I would be unhappy with. I have hopes and dreams, and well to be honest, I would much rather be alone and doing my God's work than end up with someone who is less than what God has for me.

For all of this, I have been listening to a song by the Bahamas, Whole Wide World, and in it he sings about there being a whole wide world to find the one girl for him, is there someone out there thinking about me? Is there someone who is waiting for me to come along?

I sure hope so, I can't wait to meet this man, the one who will grow a mustache because its funny, and be excited to go grocery shopping with me as his wife (I hate grocery shopping the most!). He's out there somewhere, and I am taking steps to prepare for it!

So those are my thoughts, I am feeling rather naked by revealing my personal thoughts about where I am, and I am quite timid to let my feelings be out there in cyber space.

In 1 Peter 5:7, we read: "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you." So I know to not worry, and for now I will keep praying that God keeps pushing me to get ready for what is next and for what is right now.

Greatest Video Clip I have seen in forever!

2009-12-20T19:52:00.000-08:00

like the title says, awesome! Go check it out!

Classical Music, Studying and My Heart

2009-12-16T22:58:00.000-08:00

So I have been listening to abundant amounts of classical music during studying, I find it helps alot. I found this awesome channel on YouTube that is awesome! While listening to it, I got very distracted with one song that I heard and it stuck out. I, of course needed to find more out about it and now I wanted to share the link and the translated lyrics, who knows maybe someone else will fall as in love with it as I have!

With all my love,

Crystal

"Ständchen" translation: "text: Ludwig Rellstab, music: Franz Schubert (1797-1828). translation: a.l" Here it is ...

Title : Franz Schubert :Standchen (Schwanengesang, D 957: no 4)

The Link is here for the music.

I hope you enjoy it!

"Ständchen" ("Serenade")

My songs quietly implore you

through the night;

down to the silent wood

my love, come to me!

The tree tops whisper

in the light of the moon;

Don't be afraid, my love,

no-one will observe us.

Can you hear the nightingales?

Oh! They implore you,

their sweet lament

pleads with you on my behalf.

They understand the yearning I feel,

they know love's torture,

with their silvery notes

they touch every soft heart

Let them touch yours, too,

sweet love: hear my plea!

Trembling I await you,

come, bring me bliss!

The Girl Effect

2009-12-03T22:40:00.000-08:00

The world is a mess....The Girl Effect

Culture and one of my greatest follies

2009-11-22T21:42:00.000-08:00

So as you know, I took a YWAM DTS through YWAM Urban Ministries Winnipeg.

During that time I got to learn so very much about culture, how to be in another culture, how to love other cultures, pretty much it was a great learning time for me regarding many things, but definitely one of them being culture.

This past week in one of my classes, we were able to spend a considerable time talking about culture in nursing.

All I can say is WOW! I had a huge wake up call! Like, did you know that when someone from Chinese culture, when they are ill, don't like to drink cold drinks?

Before I left for Winnipeg, I had a patient who was chinese. He consistently refused cold drinks and he refused to eat any food, relying instead on tube feeds to get his sustinance .

At the time, I worried so much about him, where was he going to go after his rehab was over? Was he going to starve to death? GUH! And I pretty much loved him so much! He was a joy most of the time!

I now know he hated "Canadian" food, he never wanted cold water, and I was being completely insensitive towards his culture. I am glad that my life continues and I can keep growing and learning each day.

Anyways, what I have been growing to realize more and more, is how sensitive I need to be to other people. Even people who are of the same ancestry as myself, there is always difference.

I just wanted to share with you a little of how I am growing and changing.

Let's Forgive

2009-10-22T16:21:00.000-07:00

My very good friend Jamie posted this link on his twitter account. I usually follow the links he sends my way, or posts up, and this time I am so very glad I did. I am still feeling so emotional after viewing this, it stirred so much in my heart, past wounds, past hurts, and the forgiveness I have been able to see come to fruition because of Jesus in my life.

A short little back history with me is my Father has made some choices in his life that didn't coincide with having a family, choices that were completely selfish. He chose to pursue an addiction and the life that comes with those choices.

For such a long time I had a hard time dealing with this, I wasn't sure what to do, I was torn between being a good daughter, being loyal, finding out where I fit in, and how I felt about everything.

Even still I still struggle with my feelings and where I will be going from this moment (its all about this moment and choosing to glide into the next). I love my Father, and I do forgive him. I still cry though at this video because I know that pain, that complete love, and I know the sweetest embrace of my Saviour without whom I would be lost.

He helps me love, forgive, walk through painful things and know I am not alone. I am so in love!

Today I give thanks for not only what I mention, but for my friend who posted the link, the person who made the video, for it all! I love you all!

Tickling The Funny Bone

2009-10-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

So as some of you know, I am taking Psychiatric Nursing through Grant MacEwan University! Hooray! It is such an awesome blessing to be there and partaking in the program. This is an update to let you know how that is going as well as to share something I came across while researching for a project for one of my classes.

I was able to keep my position on my unit (yeah, pretty much the BEST unit EVER!), and finding a balance between the two has been challenging, but so worth it. My marks are great and work is so good too! AMAZING!

Yep, thats about all for that update! Any other specifics you are curious about I am so willing to either get together and chat (everyone needs study breaks!) or just send me an email!

So recently I have been researching quite a bit for a variety of things, I wrote a paper on HIV and sex workers, I fancy I did rather well! And researching for other various projects and assignments.

For one of my classes, we got to sign our names into groups, picking which presentation we wished to take part in. I kind of hummed and hawed for a couple of minutes and decided I wanted to be in the "Humour in Nursing" group! I thought it was a great fit, and truly the people I am partnered with are excellent and hilarious as well!

While researching, I came across this short documentary, which not only moved me but is pushing me on and on to go further in and further up (anyone know that quote?) I am so inspired to continue this path that God has placed me on, and I am overwhelmed with joy at the prospect.

I feel that this short doc (8mins) is well worth the time, and it is about one of the best funny men ever, Dr. Patch Adams, and his team of clowns travelling around the world healing and loving. Such amazing people.

This is really not funny, but seeing how the children and the parents react to the clowny clowns is awesome.

Please take the time to check the clip out, as well as please check out the Gesundheit Institute which does some really amazing work, providing a free hospital for all in need in Virginia, USA.

And they continue to grow and improve working globally, working to create hospitals and care centres.

Yeah . . . . . . . . . . . AWESOME!

Linked In - Human Trafficking

2009-10-01T18:19:00.000-07:00

My friend Phil Cunningham, who was a teacher on my DTS, spoke about justice during his week there.

He is a man who continues to stay focused on justice issues, and he is truly amazing! I closely follow his links because they are almost always things that are close to my heart and what affects me as a human being, and as a follower of Christ.

He recently posted on facebook a link to someone's blog. I have heard of Mark Scandrette, but I haven't followed him before. I will be now!

He tells first about the woman at the well (and trust me we have ALL been the woman at the well in one point in our lives). He tells about his recent experiences with sex trade workers and human trafficking and how they are not only related but completely interconnected.

Jesus came to the woman at the well and He comes to each and every one of us.

It is easy to forget that the women who are working the streets, or the massage parlors, or brothels are beloved to Christ, it is easy to place those women in a separate category and push them away into the margins, forgetting about them and walking away.

So please go and read his post, it doesn't take long to read, but it is so emotional and so real and so true to my own heart.

Tales From School

2009-09-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

So I just wanted to post a quick little funny bit that happened in school today.

We were all sitting in anatomy class, and our professor Dr. Paul is up at the front of the room speaking about the placenta and asking if it is a part of the woman or from the baby.

So he says, "please give to me," he is east indian so pretend it with the accent, "give to me raised hands who is a mother here". So the Moms start raising their hands and he starts counting.

Down at the front of class there was Danielle, she is a young gorgeous single girl, and she absent mindedly raises her hand. For a moment we were all in shock! WHAT!? You have a baby?

Dr. Paul looks at her and says, "WHAT!? You have a child!?" The exact utterances of the whole class. She looks around and says, "WHAT! Oh! No! I don't, whay are we raising our hands!?"

Funny yes, but then I got into my bright little brain that I wanted to make her something funny because of her blunder.

I decided to craft a lovely card made of lined loose leaf ripped haphazardly from my binder.

On the cover was her name all pretty and colourful. Inside it said, Congratulations on your child! I signed it and asked my seat mate if she would like to sign it. She did and passed it along, soon the whole class was chuckling because they were signing it and passing it.

Before I knew it, someone else had gotten credit for it, but it was hilarious when I gave it to her and her face was shocked! It was so worth it! PRICELESS!

She thanked me, and said yeah sorry I didn't mean to LIE about having a child, I just wasn't sure how everyone would take it! Being made up and all!

The End

School! The Taker of Time, The Builder of The Mind!

2009-09-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

So as my faithful followers know I started the Psychiatric nursing program in Ponoka! Hooray!
I remember when I applied I asked God to let me go to school so I could advance myself, and because I felt that where I was sitting was not taking me anywhere else.

I know I need to find a good balance between studying and taking free time, whilst trying to not feel guilty about not studying (true story).

My first week was a little overwhelming for me, and for some other students in my class, there were endless lists of readings, and dates for tests, and projects and papers, I started to wonder if this was the right choice for me.

And then, I ran into someone who has taken this program, and she asked me how I was going to do it all, working studying going to school, and I said I don't know, I really started to feel doubtful about my ability to finish the week let alone being able to finish the whole 3 years (technically 2.5 but they call it 3).

I was awestruck, I didn't know how to rspond, this woman is a Christian (the same one in fact who warned me about going to YWAM Urban Ministries in Winnipeg) I don't know why I would be fooled into listening to her a second time. I know it was not her intent to make me doubt myself, she was just stating her concern, but I felt it, oh boy, did I ever.

By the time I got home however I started to get mad, mad at her, mad at school and mad at myself! I was indignant that I would let someone else speak that fear into me, and mad at school because I do believe that hitting the students hard is a tactic for "weeding out" potentially weak students, and mad at me for actually listening and believing that I was too small, too weak, not smart enough and all that jazz.

Fear not though my dear friends, this made me want more than anything to succeed, I wanted to be able to prove people wrong, including myself, and prove others right, including myself!

So, I have been diligently working at spending time working on studies, and spending time relaxing.

As I am going to be learning about drugs, and the risks involved, and the potential for potential harm, I felt the picture below was a great illustration.

Shocking Truths

2009-09-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

My very good friend Jamie posted on his blog today, a series of videos. It was an experiment to see how far people will react to authority....

It made me think about how often in my lifeI have just given in because I thought someone knew better than me on a subject and ignored my heart and my thoughts.....

As Jamie says " I know I am too often guilty of taking the easy out."

But he also conitnues to say, "Being like Christ is the path of most resistance. It is the lifestyle requires more of us than any other."

I am taking heed of these videos, and what they mean to me personally. I would really recommend everyone to take the time to view them.

Sleepy Sundays, its Time to Open Those Eyes!

2009-09-06T14:06:00.000-07:00

I woke up late this morning, probably intentionally sabotaging myself by staying up too late, so I wouldn't have to go to church.

I've been stressed out lately. Worried about school, worried about whether or not it is the right thing, and worried about having to work as much as I will have to to stay on top of my bills and it affecting my marks.

This is not a worry post however, I will get over it all in due time.

When I woke up late, looked at the clock and saw what time it was, I lay there for a minute, rubbed my eyes and felt the cool breeze blowing into the window. Heard the neighbors talking about this and that, thought about how good coffee would be, and got out of bed.

I am feeling so overwhelmed by how blessed I am! I am so blessed to wake up today! I feel so happy that as I walked into the kitchen to wash up my breakfast dishes it started raining, hard, and the fresh smell of it hit me and made me think about the rest of the afternoon.

I spend far too much time on the computer, this is true, and in this under used time, my friend Brennie had posted on his twitter page a link to a comic. A very good one in fact, and it led me into looking at more and more of The Adventures of ASBO Jesus. And then I found this comic. I wondered how I could let the things that are so beautiful to me slip away without being noticed.

So I wanted to issue a challenge, open your eyes and look around. Where is God revealing himself to you at this exact moment?

Humbleization - Not Letting Other's Vinegary States Affect Me

2009-09-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

As my loyal readers know, I work in a hospital, on a brain injury rehabilitation unit, helping people who are overcoming traumatic brain injuries.

This summer, I've been working less than I would like because there is an over abundance of staff on our unit, and open beds that need to be filled still. Which means, our skills have been widely used across the entire hospital this summer (getting pulled to other units, sometimes for the first time, sometimes to units we used to work on) .

Some people have not been happy with said arrangements, I have been trying to maintain a positive attitiude, I keep telling myself that I am so blessed to have a job, a job that pays so well, and a job that teaches me new things everyday. Sadly, I have been letting others' bad attitudes and grumpy dispositions rub off on me, and I haven't been enjoying going to work much as of late.

This past stretch of my shifts have been pretty well the same, out of 4 shifts, I was pulled twice. I finally got to work on my unit on Sunday evening, and I am going to be honest, I went with a bad attitude. I wasn't looing forward to being back on my unit, having people grabbing at me, constantly asking me to do things, and just complaining about everything...

I was helping one lady into her room to start getting ready for bed, and she was patting on her bed with her hand looking puzzled. I asked her what she was up to, and she said, "Oh, I want to turn the tv on". She had stated a minute before that she was going to brush her teeth. I asked her if I could turn the tv on while she went and did that. She got very upset with me, yelling that I was being bossy and that I needed to stop it.

Now I feel that I wasn't being bossy towards her, maybe I was, I am not sure now, I do know that I was struck just how much of a goodwill deficit I had been putting across. I walked away from her and collected my thoughts. My first reaction was a flash of anger... how dare she!? then when I sat down, I really thought about what she was saying, how I would feel if my nurse was dour towards me.

I gave her a few minutes to finish what she was doing and went to talk to her. She was still very upset with me, and I let her tell me all of her frustrations, and then I apologized to her. We talked for a little while and I told her I wasn't meaning to be bossy, and I told her I would try harder to be more responsive to her. She seemed satisfied with out talk and let me help her into bed.

I'm not sure if she has thought more about it since then, but I have. I can't stop really. I need to remember to stay humble, to remember that I am blessed to be there at all, and that I am there for them.

I also need to remember that others are bound to come to work with the wrong disposition, others are having bad days too, and that other people have been wounded and show it outwardly. But, I, I need to be the example, I need to continue to be loving towards others and to let people be, well people.

Its amazing how God can speak you me through other people.

One Fresh Cookie - Thawing to God's Voice

2009-08-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

So this morning I went to church. Sounds pretty usual, but I was feeling rather cranky and not at all wanting to go.

Lynda guilted me into going, and I am still rather tired, and still a little irritable, I did get something out of the message, just as she had predicted.

Almost the first thing I did this morning was check my computer, to see if anything had happened in the last 6 hours since I had fallen asleep, and I discovered my friend Chris had written an awesome blog post about being the cat. Its an awesome read (short simple and to the point) and it helps to set the scene for my next observation.

So there I was sitting in church listening, focusing on what was being said and how it was impacting my heart, and the part the struck me the most was how the kid's object lesson was about cookies. One cookie was fresh and just out of the oven, one cookie was frozen, and one was burnt.

The fresh one, is when we are ready willing and able to listen to God's word like in

Matthew 4:18-22, As Jesus was walking beside the sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon and Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "for I will make fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him.

Going on from there, He saw two brothers. James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

How often is is we are the fresh baked cookie, fresh and new and ready?

And how often are we the frozen cookie, that just needs a little time to be ready? I know I am often the frozen cookie, waiting to see how things are going to pan out and working out the details before I feel like I can step into something.

And goodness gracious, how often do I act as the burnt cookie, not really good for much, and dull to hearing God, His voice and His plan for me.

I am so happy though to announce that even if someone has been drawn into the burnt cookie category, there is always more time, more chances, and more opportunity to shake off that burnt exterior and become the freshly baked cookie again.

Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

I walked away from church feeling excited that I get to try my hand everyday at being obedient, ready to act, and being fresh everyday of every moment, and sad that I have spent so much time as a frozen cookie, and dreading that I have been the burnt cookie at all in my life. Or the timid wild cat.

I'm getting so excited about school coming up, but I am also nervous about it. I feel this need to sort out the next 5 years of my life, when all I really need to do is focus on next week, next month maybe, and about working hard. I so very badly want to be the fresh baked cookie for school!

I will keep you all posted as to how school is going, I start Sept. 8th! Please don't hesitate to ask, or to pray for me, or better yet with me!

Love,

Crystal - one fresh cookie!

Dolls

2009-08-26T09:11:00.001-07:00

I wanted to post some pics of a couple of dolls I made, for 2 very good friends of mine who are having to patiently wait for their child to come from Ethiopia, as an encouragement. I hand stitched and painted these, I got the general pattern from Inside a Black Apple .
And I had seen my sister in law, Coralee, make a doll for my niece's friend Emma .

Today I found out that the dolls were delivered safely, and that Jamie and Kim love them! Yay!

Oh yes, and be sure to check out the links to everyone's blogs!

Speaking in Church

2009-08-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

I had the chance of speaking in church recently, and I thought I would share my speech with you. I have been nervous to put it up here, it makes me feel somewhat vulnerable to have more people than my small church family know my thoughts and feelings... But here goes!

Thank you everyone for giving me the opportunity to speak with you today. For those of you who don’t know, I have been a member of the Trinity Lutheran church congregation for a couple of years now. And last october, I was blessed to be able to go to Winnipeg and then Uganda while taking a Discipleship Training School through Youth With A Mission. They describe it as 12 weeks of intensive training in a classroom setting, and a 2 month outreach. Truly, it was those things, but then also very much more for me, and my fellow team members, which was made up of 3 other young women, and two young men.

During each week of lecture phase, we had the privilege of learning from different speakers who taught us a wide variety of topics. Every week my life changed, sometimes, it felt like every minute my life was vastly different . We heard lectures on Community, Global missions, prayer and worship, evangelism, conversations about Jesus, and Justice to list a few.

The focus of the school WAS Justice, and at it's heart was Micah 6:8 “He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justice, to love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God.” The school was a time to look into how God loves Justice, and how we as christians need to take an active role in our world because it has been commanded of us.

- My eyes and heart were opened more than I thought could be possible, and it made me yearn for God to show me more into what is needed and to show me my role within it. Did you know that human trafficking (or slavery) is the 3^rd largest criminal enterprise today? And, that On average 2 children per minute are bought and sold for sexual exploitation? That equals to about 27 million people enslaved globally today. And did you also know that 30, 000 children die each day due to global poverty? It made me wonder what I was doing as a Christian, and what my role is. In matthew 22:37-39 it says “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment, And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” All of this seemed so overhwelming to me at first, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of the things I was learning, with all of the things I was seeing, and most importantly where I fit in. 2 recurring themes kept coming up for me and continues to keep coming up, the first of which is to DO SOMETHING. Anything. A cup of coffee, or the change in my pocket, to share the gospel with someone, or to sit in a chair and listen to one of the inner city kids we worked with, tell a story of how she witnessed her Mom get raped in front of her. He other theme comes from Mother Theresa, “We are not called to do great things but little things with great love”. I got to sit with that little girl and make crafts with her, giving her a break from thinking about life, and giving her Mom a much needed break from a child who has seen too much in her 9 years, and acts out in school causing her to be expelled from most elementaries in inner city Winnipeg.

- Being in the inner city of Winnipeg showed me the need for community, the need to act, and to look at people with much more love and compassion than I thought I could. During one week in Winnipeg, I got to spend some time being “homeless”, I panhandled, i went and spent the day on the streets, giving my lunch and my time away to people who needed it, I worked in soup kitchens and handed roses out to prostitutes late one night to show them how beautiful God thinks they are, and how beautiful we thought they were as well. One corner is called desperation corner, and it's where the women and men go to sell themselves for the cheapest price. We set out to give one girl a rose and she was frightened, and screamed at us, calling us terrible names (not a usual reaction let me tell you) she was scared, scared because there were 3 of us, scared because we had Jesus walking with us, scared because we were a deterrant to her Johns.... And through it all, I don’t remember the prostitute I spoke to briefly but i remember her, and all I could think after seeing her out there was how much God loves her, and how much God loves the John that picked her up a minute after we walked away...

- It showed me how much we are to be connected to those around us, and how socially connected Jesus was to those around him

- Thanks to everyone here for all of their prayers and support I was able to go on outreach to Uganda Africa .

- Uganda was a challenging time for me, and for my team.

- In Uganda we were priviliged to work in a variety of ministries, (Women at risk - prostitutes who wanted to get off the streets)(Mother and Child health – midwifery, pregnancy and baby immunization clinic)(Amacet childrens home for children who are either infected or affected by HIV/AiDS)..(We lived in a small village and worked in people’s fields , we pumped water at a well for the local women)(we worked in a medical clinic)(and spring of hope a YWAM team devoted to helping children whith disabilities gain some normalcy) We also go to do a hospital tour in Soroti. While working in Amacet children’s home god gave me the opportunity to learn and discover more and more about my own heart, He was slowly etching away old parts of me, and although raw he was slowly revealing the true person He created. All of the babies there have had their lives touched by HIV/AIDS.

- While working my shifts at amacet, I got to meet a tiny baby. His name was Basil. Baby Basilwas around 2 months old, and he had been born at least 2 months premature. His Mommy had died during childbirth and it was unknown whether or not she had HiV/AIDS. So it was not known if baby basil suffered from the virus, and because the babies are so small and anti retroviral drugs are hard on a body, the babies usually don’t get tested until a little older. Baby Basil was very tiny when he was born, like so many other children that come to call amacet home, he weighed only 2 and a half pounds. He was so tiny that he wasn’t able to feed from a bottle, he was tube fed up until shortly before we arrived in uganda. `He was getting really strong, eating from a bottle and interacting with us. I loved to hold his tiny body in my arms, and everyday that I held him humbled me, and showed me just how much love i was capable of and it helped me to see a small amount of how much god loves me, and each and every one of us. Basil was an awesome little testimament to God’s grace and his love. Baby Basil had grown to a more healthy weight of 5 pounds when his health took a turn for the worse, he passed away quickly for reasons we’ll never know, but his little life made a huge impact on me, he humbled me, and i hope he will always remain with me my whole life.

- The love God feels for us is equal with all of us, he loves the little inner city girl, the prostitute and John, and tiny baby basil , all the same. It is our calling as His, to continue to do justice love mercy and walk humbly .

- Thank you again for your time.

recent cinematic experiences.

2009-08-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to write a short blog about the movies that I've seen recently that have impacted me in some way, good or bad.

First, before I even left Winnipeg, I got to see One Week starring Joshua Jackson as a man who discovers he is terminally ill and decides to run away and take an adventure driving across Canada on a motorbike. This movie was one of the most human and real movies I have seen in such a long time. The acting was great, and the storyline was actually plausible. I can tell you that I am the first person who wants to run away to foreign lands when things get sticky. His story and human interactions were how a person would react, and even his narrative is very honest. I would definitely recommend this one.

Next, I went home to visit my family this last week, and I took my Dad on a date! We had a really good time, he spole alot about what was going on with the farm, and I got to be his girl for the evening. We went to see District 9. This movie, wow, I was fired up when I got home to the fram, just thinking about it. Not only was it a social statement on what could happen in the world if aliens came to earth, but it is exactly the story of countless thousands right now in the world who are displaced, opressed, and treated with disdain. Not only is this occuring in the Congo, with countless women being brutalized sexually everyday, to refugees who have had to live in camps for 20 years because their homes have been taken or destroyed, but it is here, when we see someone native and assume that they are going to steal our wallets! Grrr! I hope that many people see past the special effects of the movie into the heart and cry like I did at the injustices in the story. One last thing, I also really loved that the characters were not ALL good, or ALL bad. They were flawed and broken just like all of us, redeeming and atrocious at different points.

And, last night I went to see Funny People starring Adam Sandler. This movie was good, I liked it for sure, I liked the idea of a person who glimpses something and it changes their world around them. I loved the comedy that was in the movie, some was a little harder to swallow than others, mostly because it could border on crude. I liked the way that it wasn't a typical A.S. movie, and that there were some real human emotions in the movie. I liked the atypical plot twists (well at least according to North American standards) and the way that you felt like life is actually like that for some.

Anyways I suppose that I am a person who likes real stories, with real feelings and real emotions. I like to see some movies to escape, yes, but my heart resides first within humanity.

often blog

2009-08-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

I have a very good friend that I trust more than most people on this here earth, and he has been the most helpful person with my blogging experience thus far.
Jamie!
You have been so helpful, and the advice you give is priceless, plus it means we get to chat often and I dig chatting with you my brother!
Anyways, one thing Jamie told me is to blog often, and so this is my often blog!
Poor Lazy Jane, thats how I feel too!

Bathroom Renovations!

2009-08-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I have the honour of living with a wonderful warm giving woman named Lynda.

Lynda has been such a great support to me the last few years, even before I moved in, before I became a Christian, she was there for me. She was one of the first people I met when I first moved to Ponoka, and has turned out to be one of my best allies!

Recently Lynda took a much needed holiday to Halifax, for some time off, and to meet some family that she had never gotten the chance to meet before this trip.

I had a flash of inspiration as she was packing up to leave, this would be my chance at taking the cruddy old wallpaper off of the bathroom walls and freshening it up with a coat of paint! I thought PERFECT! A nice surprise, and it will look better!

I started innocently enough by ripping some of the wallpaper trim that was haphazardly stuck around the tub (probably in the 1970's judging by the colour and style!) then I realized that it was going to take more than just pulling to get the rest of the paper off. I researched the best way to take wallpaper off of the walls, and found not only "easy" but inexpensive too! A little perforating tool that you basically roll around on the walls, and then you use a spray wallpaper remover! Hooray! Easy! I was so excited!

It took me 3 days to take it all down because I had to work as well. I thought Bam, I'll get this all finished, and then I can prime it and paint it! Boy, mistaken yet again, who would have know one person could be so wrong in so little time when I had scarcely been wrong before!

I made a ghastly discovery of a large patch of mold nestled unobserved between the side of the tub and the toilet. At first glance, the discovery wasn't too bad, I thought oh whoa I can handle it! Its only a small part of the drywall, easy peasy to cut out and patch.

As I cut out the offending bit of drywall, I noticed the tub surround was pulling away from the wall... In fact the tub surround was pulling the DRYWALL away! EEPS! At that moment I knew I was in deeper than I had first thought. I thought long and hard about it (probably a whole 30 seconds) and decided come heck or high water I had to fix whatever was going on behind that surround. So I started the daunting task of pulling the tub surround off and seeing what exactly was lurking out of my sight!

All this time, I kept thinking oh boy, I can do this and I can do that, I can put wainscotting put a pedestal sink in, a new vanity, oh boy I had some grand ideas floating around. With the ever progressing list of work that needed to be done, I decided to tone down my vision and make the list of a more manageable length, somewhere around the 5 page mark.

I ripped the entire tub surround off the wall, finding a moderate amount of black mold hidden nicely at the tub line and it was creeping its way further and further up the drywall.

It took me a couple of days to cut all of the bad drywall out, and to clean up the mold, and re-plastic the one wall that is an exterior wall. All this time, I was trying to multitask and get other projects within the bathroom done as well. I bought a new sink and tap, I wanted to paint the vanity, and I bought a new over the john cabinet that I wanted to paint the same colour as the vanity.

I worked diligently for the 2 weeks while Lynda was away, and worked my job, and had some social time in the mix with my friend Amber, and it came down to the last weekend. My birthday weekend, July 19th, and Lynda was supposed to come home on the Monday or the Tuesday. I was working day shifts, and Amber was over helping me the entire time, trying to get it all done before she came home. On the Sunday, my b day, my friend Stewart came to put the drywall up for me in a mad rush, and Amber and I put the new sink in, finished painting the cabinet and after a solid 14 hours of work that day for me, we went to the pub to grab a bite to eat and a couple of beers. mmmm
We had a great time, sitting there in our paint covered clothes, quietly chuckling at the antics of the regulars at the pub. We took a 2 hour break, and decided to walk home to get back at our work.
As we rounded the corner for the back alley, I saw it, her car, she was HOME! What was this!? I wasn't finished! I ran to the house and there was Lynda on the couch, sitting a little like she'd never left, watching tv and dozing off. I walked in the house a little in a panic, and hoped that she wasn't mad at me for tearing the bathroom apart, and a little upset that I didn't get to finish and have the big reveal at the end! She casually said "well hello" as I stood there with my arms hanging at my sides in a stance of defeat. I opened my mouth to speak and she starting telling me how much she missed me, and calmly asked me what was going on with the bathroom. I hurriedly explained my goals of finishing before she got home.
Her reaction was fantastic, she was overjoyed that I was redoing the bathroom for her, and she said she couldn't wait to see what it would end up looking like.
It took a little longer yet to finish, again with working, and of course less pressure of a timeline. But I got it all completed! Lynda says she is so happy that the bathroom looks so great, and I really like it too.
I could not have finished all that work, first and foremost if God hadn't been there pushing and helping me, and giving me the money to be able to do it.
Next is Amber, who encouraged me, and was cramped up in the bathroom with me, sanding, painting, or whatever needed to be done, sweating, and sharing laughs and many beers! lol

Stewart who came and helped with the drywall, even if I had to convince him it was a good idea!

Mr. Jorgenson, who came over to tell me exactly how much drywall to cut out, and how to go about fixing it all. (He is the premier home builder in Ponoka, and he is fantastic, if I could afford a new house, it would be him putting it up - he is also a great man of God and a great example to how men should live their lives.)
Judy S for bringing a pipe wrench and laying on the floor to help tighten the sink drain up for me.
Anyone else who gave me words of encouragement, and of course Lynda, who after coming home from her vacation to a messy house, and unable to use her bathroom, but instead of complaining, she was encouraging me telling me she loved it all very much.
Thanks all for "listening" about the bathroom renos!

Old Friends and New Beginnings

2009-08-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I had the incredible opportunity to spend some time with an old friend, actually 2 old friends, one was planned and the other was a very fortunate happenstance.

I had been planning to spend the day with Jolene, my beloved friend of 17 years. A little about our story. Jolene and I have been friends since the first day of grade 7, truly it was the first day we met. Our friendship has ebbed and flowed, I think like most friendships have a tendency of doing, and we have just finished a dry spell of our friendship and it has awoken into a whole new type of friendship.

When I was younger, I can be honest, I had some self esteem issues. I was constantly worried what people thought of me, wondering if I was pretty enough, smart enough, dumb enough, sexy enough, in fashion enough, whatever the thing was at the time that I was concerned about.

Poor Jolene never even knew that most of what she did I used as a gauge as to how my life could be, or should be. I was constantly seeking her approval and comparing myself to what she was doing with herself. During junior high my family moved away from Edmonton and into small town Alberta, and I was completely uprooted from my friends. I can only say in passing now that it was very hard for me, harder than I realized at the time to be separated from everyone I had grown accustomed to and whom I had obviously let myself become governed by. My time away from Jolene eventually branched to a couple of years where she and I didn't speak, and my life was on a totally different plane than than hers, we drifted.

A few years later we were reunited and our differences really showed, she was an honours student, and on the fast track to university, and I was a high school drop out on the way towards a sad and twisted marriage that ended badly (another blog post for another time).

Our worlds were far from each other, and again I compared myself to her, little realizing that she was having the same struggles as me and having just as hard of a time figuring out how to deal with all the lemons that were handed to us.

After Jolene was done university, and my short lived marriage was over, Jolene snagged a job in Mexico, I was sad she was leaving, but again I had no idea that my life was to take some time healing and growing. She lived there for 5 years, learned an incredible amount about herself, and blossomed into a beautiful woman, The same thing was going on here in Canada for me. I was making all new friends, discovering who I was, making a place for myself, and especially, I was learning about God and making room for Him in my life.

While I sometimes still get caught up in the latest things and the newest fashions, I am slowly learning to wait on God and see what He wants. This has definitely been a challenge for me, but its coming along slowly.

Time moves on, people change and grow and our relationship is a completely different one than it was before. I am very intent on who I talk to, who I associate with and I like holding my own opinions about things, which I feel is a normal human trait. Its great to spend time with her now, I feel like myself and I feel like i can be myself, I don't need to be constantly pleasing to her, or to be seeking her approval, I feel now that if she differs in opinion with me about something, well she can either listen or move on. I love it! I can see how much God has changed me over all these years, before i started listening to Him even. AMAZING GRACE!

Jolene and I had a great day together on Saturday we hung out, spoke about things, didn't talk, ate tons of great food (Jolene is an awesome cook!) and eventually we ended up going out for dinner at probably my new favorite restaurant Pad Thai (http://www.padthai-restaurant.com/). And then we went walking down Whyte ave, which is an adventure all on its own! I remembered as I was walking past bar after pub after night club, that I had found a friend with whom I had gotten back in touch with on facebook quite some time ago, and who works at a bar down there. I was so happy that when I told Jolene I wanted to look around to see if he was working, she was totally up for it! We went to the bar he works at, they said he would be hanging out at a little bar down the street and if I asked the door men they would be able to tell me if he was there. We walked down the street, chatting and

looking around, and TA DA! There was Darren right in front of us! He was so happy to see me, and to meet Jolene! I got the chance to sit and talk with Darren, to catch up and see where our lives had taken us in the last few years (Darren and I were real pals back in high school and you know how life goes life changes, people move on) It was amazing to talk and relax and hang out with 2 old friends who didn’t know each other. It was like old meeting new, meeting old.

I was again reminded of Gods ability to take old things, and make them new again, He has taken bits of me and made them sparkling new and fresh, and I have seen Him at work within the people around me as well.

So I lift up my glass (filled with water right now) and raise it in salute of works that are done, works that are ongoing, and works that have yet to start!

Where to go what to do

2009-07-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

Well as some of you have noticed I have been quite silent on the blogger front. I have mostly been overwhelmed with the things I could blog about, but there is also a touch of me wanting it to be a perfect blog entry, making a huge rolling statement that says something powerful! RAHR!
And then all you are left with is little old me.
I was reminded last night of God's ability to make things, to change things, to move me, to move all of us into something greater. I was simply reminded that I don't have to be the great one, He is great enough, all I have to do is speak truth, His truth.
My life has had flashing moments of sheer panic, what if i am not living up to the full potential that God calls me to be? Then God reminds me yet again, that He gave me great patience, to see what He wants,and not to lean on my own understanding.
So I guess what I am saying is that I am a weak person, who is learning to grow ever more dependant on God to show me the way, to live up to His standards, to not wear britches too big for me, and He will take care of the rest!
go with God today! And remember not only His love but also mine!
MUAH!
xoxoxo

Blessings

2009-05-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

So, recently I had the privilege of attending a wedding. It was a beautiful wedding, the weather was warm and sunny, the bride looked perfect, the groom wept as she walked down the isle and leaped with joy at their first dance. It was strange for me because I had dated the groom for about 5 years and me and everyone around us thought that it would be him and I getting married. I am not sad though, I am so happy for my friend, I wish them the greatest blessings that a marriage can have!
But it made me think about my own life, what would it be like had I actually married that man? Where would I be now? What would my life be like? And I came to one resounding fact, God has taken me on a journey far better than my little heart could have imagined. I feel so blessed to be where I am being the person I am, living in Christ's light and just letting Him guide me. I don't know where my life would be had I made that choice long ago, but I am giddy with joy at where God has me right now! I have loved every minute of this adventure and I am holding my breath waiting to see what brilliant plan He has next for me!
I challenge anyone reading this to thank God for placing them where they are, for having the strong testimonies they have because of where they have been.
With much love and many blessings!
C

First entry

2009-03-11T20:21:00.000-07:00

Well everyone where to start... too much to write and limited internet so thats all for today!

Hello everyone, welcome to Adventures of Crystal!
Since this is my first blog on this spot, I want you all to feel welcome, ok Mom, welcome to you!
So I guess I should give a small description of myself to anyone who feels interested in learning more about me and my adventures. I’m a little excited and nervous about writing a blog, and how my feelings will be on display for all to see, read and pick them apart. So please go easy on me, I have a fragile heart, and I would hate for it to be broken.
The past few months I have been blessed with the ability to discover God’s heart, to discover my own heart, and God’s will for me. I took a Discipleship Training School through YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in Winnipeg Manitoba Canada (www.ywamwinnipeg.ca). I could now write a summary of my whole 3 months but since I have already done that on the school’s blog, I will add the posts, to the end of this post so that if you feel like you want to read it then you can feel free to do so, and if not, then no worries. Hopefully I figure out how to do all the fancy things that the internet calls for. To be trendy, up to date, in style, ugh so much work, pretty much I am going to go for mediocre presentation, but top class in my writings, ramblings and ravings!
My DTS was, as I said, in Winnipeg, led by Kim and Jamie Arpin-Ricci, staffed by Michelle, Brennie and Lindsey. Pretty much they all did a great job and I owe them all so much for all thy have done for me, to help me grow and get closer to God by pushing and pursuing me on a regular basis. Wonderful people all of them I can honestly say that with all my heart. My team that took DTS with me were Michael, Devon, Carolyn, Carrie, Jasmin, and myself. I could write about all these people forever and ever because of how they have affected my life, how they have changed me, how we all grew together, and how I know I will forever have them to call my family. The people I wrote here will probably be mentioned quite a few times within this blog.
I became a Christian a couple of years ago, like many people it was a longer process than just hearing it once and believing from that point on. It's quite a long and messy story to be true and I am guessing as I write more in the future more of my little story will come out.
I don’t want this whole blog to be doom and gloom and heavy and stuff, so I’ll spill some of the happy things. Right now I am sitting at my parent’s house beside my littlest brother Isaiah, who as my Mom thinks never stops talking, I personally find him quite brilliant and ingenious in some of his ideas, and very talkative as well! I come from a large family, we are 8, but I only know 6 of my siblings on a personal level. Joanne, who married Ian who have 4 children, Nathan, Amy, Joseph, and Liam. Next born is David who is married to Coralee and they have a beautiful daughter named Abigail. Then ME! I like that one the best of all! KIDDING! Steven is next, strong and strong willed too. Michael who has always been my fashion guru (not really but I value his opinion very much). Then is sweet Tabitha, a quiet girl who is super observantof things that have been changed without anyone else noticing. Then is sweet Isaiah who I mentioned earlier, and who continues to read over my shoulder! I also have a half sister named Amanda who was born of my birth Father and a lady named Sylvia, she is being brought up in a foster home and I haven’t spoken to her for a number of years now.

While taking my DTS I learned that living in community is much like coming from a huge family, and that quickly community becomes family.
This may seem abrupt but I feel a little bored of typing now, and I want to go and hang out with my family, maybe eat some supper and watch a movie cuddle with my sister and/or brother!
Much love talk to you all soon!